Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
