Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is my gift to your gina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
