I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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