Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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