gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize