dude i'm inner monologue high
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
