if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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