some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize