She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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