Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
