I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize