I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
