So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize