if only i could text you this smell
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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