Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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