I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
