I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
