I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
