We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
