...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
