In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Small penises have feelings too.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
