Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can't special order awesome
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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