he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
