Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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