The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
