I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
