found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
