I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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