She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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