Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
