fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
