Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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