a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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