What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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