so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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