He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
