8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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