one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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