after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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