ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk is not a location!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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