you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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