his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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