More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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