Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
