we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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