dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
