i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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