So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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