I'm passing your future prison.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
