I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
