i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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