Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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