I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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