I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
