Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
