so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
