Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize