is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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