Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize