ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
