Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize