Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
