the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
