it's too hot outside to masturbate.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
