awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
